An Open Letter to My Parents About My Name

Dear Mom and Dad,

Thanks for giving me life!  I honestly appreciate the human being you have created (me!) with all of my quirkiness.  I love the fact that I am left-handed, have eyes that change color due to the color I am wearing, and  that I am not a genetically predetermined psycho of Hannibal Lector status.

That you gave me life, I thank you.  (If anyone caught that bastardization of a classic bard from America’s mom, I’ll give you a virtual cookie.)

Still, one pressing question that won’t go away…WHY DID YOU HAVE TO NAME ME AFTER FOSSILIZED TREE SAP?

I looked up my name in the dictionary…okay, I typed my name into dictionary.com.  So sue me.  Here is what my name means according to dictionary.com:
“a pale yellow, sometimes reddish or brownish, fossil resin of vegetable origin, translucent, brittle, and capable of gaining a negative electrical charge by friction and of being an excellent insulator: used for making jewelry and other ornamental articles.”

So, I’m pale yellow (a color that washes me out) fossil (read: ANCIENT), of vegetable origin.  Of what vegetable am I made, I wonder?  I’m brittle.  Does that mean I break easily?  I also give a negative electrical charge by friction.  That might explain the lack of boyfriend in my life.  I also make jewelry and ornaments….I’m frivolous.

In summation:  I am a frivolous  washed out ancient thing of tree sap, easily broken and prone to shocking others.

You were just setting me up for my great destiny, weren’t you?  Think about it…you named me after a fossil.  Therefore, I started out life already ancient.  And prone to shocking others.  You brought this on yourselves.
Way to go, Mom and Dad!

Love,

Fossilized Tree Sap (aka Amber)